In my 'right' mind.
My blog has been pretty much a ghost blog, and I'm amazed it hasn't gotten deleted from lack of activity! That being said, I'm feeling compelled to write again, so if you're wanting to read some more of what little insight I have to life, here it is.
The human brain isn't fully developed until a person is between 24 and 26. At this time they become more aware of their own emotions, understand the consequences of their actions more clearly, and in short, "grow up". I'm not sure when this happened for me as I am now 26 and hope I am not a late bloomer on this one. I will say that it has to be much harder to go through your early 20's assuming responsibilities of a much older person, when your brain isn't physiologically there. raising kids while you're still raising yourself is a grand task and knowing this now, wouldn't recommend it.
OK, chill out. I don't regret my life, my children or the choices I've made. I know I would be a much different person without these experiences, and I really like who I am. I really like my husband and my kids, too. I feel slightly guilty bringing children into my world when my sense of self had not been established. But they're doing pretty well so regardless of how it might have effected them at times, they made it out OK.
It was very recently that I finally figured out what I wanted to do, career wise. I worked a few jobs here and there for survival, but nothing I was really in love with. Now that I am working towards completing my degree to get to that career, I feel like my life is (getting) on track. With this, I feel guilty for having to lock myself in my room or head up to Starbucks for a few hours to get a paper done, when I should be doing something with my family. believe I will be encouraging my children to go to college and start their life-long career before they have an opportunity for this guilt.
And then there are days when the weight of my "real life" responsibilities and issues take away my ability to think clearly enough to write a paper or take a test. Where I used to have a 4.0 average, I no longer seem to have the ambition to achieve that GPA, and have been settling for a 3.2. I have made decisions to skip low-weighted assignments for the sake of saving myself the stress of rushing to get it done. Is this part of my newly found "adult" brain, or a huge sign of immaturity?
I have a few things to catch up on in regard to my classes right now, but I just can't seem to do it. I got on the computer, opened my book and stared blankly at both. The weight of some recent decisions I've made recently is weighing heavily on me. While I can still function just fine as a mom and domestic goddess, when contemplating anything outside of these two areas my mind wonders over to ways I could have handled things better. How I could have used my "adult brain" instead of the brain I've been using for the past 26 years. Or maybe I did, and it is my "adult brain" that is giving me these emotions now. I know that no one can redo or re-say anything, but that doesn't stop me from wishing for it. Joe and I will joke about those things that come out of your mouth and as the words are flowing you're telling yourself to shut up, and if you could reach out and grab the sounds from the air before they reached other's ears, you would. What you can do, is learn from it. As painful as consequences can be, I don't believe there are any mistakes. If you learn from an experience, it was worth going through. Whether the damage is a stained shirt, bad haircut, or the breakdown of a great friendship. I have also always said that there is nothing that can't be fixed. Most stains can eventually be scrubbed out with the right cleaner, hair grows back, and trust can be rebuilt. All of these things take time, but are perfectly possible.
As for now, I am taking my thoughts one at a time. I understand how to separate emotion and rationalization, but it is much easier to explain than to put it to practice. For now, I just want to clear my thoughts enough to pass my current classes. Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to.
The human brain isn't fully developed until a person is between 24 and 26. At this time they become more aware of their own emotions, understand the consequences of their actions more clearly, and in short, "grow up". I'm not sure when this happened for me as I am now 26 and hope I am not a late bloomer on this one. I will say that it has to be much harder to go through your early 20's assuming responsibilities of a much older person, when your brain isn't physiologically there. raising kids while you're still raising yourself is a grand task and knowing this now, wouldn't recommend it.
OK, chill out. I don't regret my life, my children or the choices I've made. I know I would be a much different person without these experiences, and I really like who I am. I really like my husband and my kids, too. I feel slightly guilty bringing children into my world when my sense of self had not been established. But they're doing pretty well so regardless of how it might have effected them at times, they made it out OK.
It was very recently that I finally figured out what I wanted to do, career wise. I worked a few jobs here and there for survival, but nothing I was really in love with. Now that I am working towards completing my degree to get to that career, I feel like my life is (getting) on track. With this, I feel guilty for having to lock myself in my room or head up to Starbucks for a few hours to get a paper done, when I should be doing something with my family. believe I will be encouraging my children to go to college and start their life-long career before they have an opportunity for this guilt.
And then there are days when the weight of my "real life" responsibilities and issues take away my ability to think clearly enough to write a paper or take a test. Where I used to have a 4.0 average, I no longer seem to have the ambition to achieve that GPA, and have been settling for a 3.2. I have made decisions to skip low-weighted assignments for the sake of saving myself the stress of rushing to get it done. Is this part of my newly found "adult" brain, or a huge sign of immaturity?
I have a few things to catch up on in regard to my classes right now, but I just can't seem to do it. I got on the computer, opened my book and stared blankly at both. The weight of some recent decisions I've made recently is weighing heavily on me. While I can still function just fine as a mom and domestic goddess, when contemplating anything outside of these two areas my mind wonders over to ways I could have handled things better. How I could have used my "adult brain" instead of the brain I've been using for the past 26 years. Or maybe I did, and it is my "adult brain" that is giving me these emotions now. I know that no one can redo or re-say anything, but that doesn't stop me from wishing for it. Joe and I will joke about those things that come out of your mouth and as the words are flowing you're telling yourself to shut up, and if you could reach out and grab the sounds from the air before they reached other's ears, you would. What you can do, is learn from it. As painful as consequences can be, I don't believe there are any mistakes. If you learn from an experience, it was worth going through. Whether the damage is a stained shirt, bad haircut, or the breakdown of a great friendship. I have also always said that there is nothing that can't be fixed. Most stains can eventually be scrubbed out with the right cleaner, hair grows back, and trust can be rebuilt. All of these things take time, but are perfectly possible.
As for now, I am taking my thoughts one at a time. I understand how to separate emotion and rationalization, but it is much easier to explain than to put it to practice. For now, I just want to clear my thoughts enough to pass my current classes. Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to.
posted by Amanda Nunnally at
12:48 PM
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