Expectations

Whether we like to admit or not, all mom's try and hold themselves to society's standard of the perfect mom. We all want the latest toys, safest car seats and cutest nurseries. I think it helps us feel as though we are doing our absolute best, even while our baby is in utero. Mothers are expected to have endless patience, and extensive knowledge of everything baby as if we were born with encyclopedia's in our heads. We're expected to take all the sick days, stay up at 3am for nightmares, and do it all with a smile. We have so many decisions to make in the first few weeks even: whether or not to circumcise (for boys) or immunize, to breastfeed, or which formula is best... so many decisions that could effect the rest of the child's life. I personally fall victim to these expectations: I had to buy the best car seat on the market, and I feel like a failure if I lose me patience or get frustrated. We've chosen not to circumcise our children and not to immunize, which we catch a lot of crap for both from people who just don't understand. We're constantly defending ourselves.

What brought on these thoughts is a near failed attempt for the third time to exclusively breastfeed Matt. I tried with Nate, but was unsuccessful after 2 weeks because he needed way more than I could produce. I tried again with Drew, but he grew lazy after a few weeks and would only take a bottle. I felt rejected by my newborn baby which is hard to deal with. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm sure there are mom's who have felt the same rejection. Matt and I did well for the first few days, but my unexpected trip to the hospital interrupted that, and now I'm having to retrain him, and train my body to keep up with him. I wanted so badly for it to work this time but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards. To make matters worse, whenever he has a bottle he ends up with a lot of gas, making him extremely fussy. Rightfully so, but that in turn just makes me weak and frustrated. It's a horrible cycle. I haven't given up yet, but I feel I will ultimately lose the battle.

I have tried my best at being 'Suzy homemaker', Martha Stewart and Mother of the Year, but I never seem to get it just right. I'm positive that no one ever does, unless you're superhuman. Even Martha has her flaws. But the more I strive for perfection, the further I feel from it. Stay at home moms have a lot to prove to the world: it's no longer enough. Women are expected to bring in an income, cook a five-star meal when they get home, and keep the house 'unexpected drop-in ready'. So when they don't have a monetary income, the pressure's on for everything else to be that much better. I know a lot of this is just pressure we keep on ourselves so we can feel as though we are doing something meaningful. But maybe it's time for us all, working moms and stay at home moms to give ourselves a break, take a night off, and be satisfied with "good enough". If we could do that, we'd all be a lot happier with ourselves.