All For #1!

I have recently gotten myself into a situation that I am having a hard time getting out of. And not because I don't have the ability, just that my self-expectations always supersede reality. Way too often I take on too much, expect too much of myself, and then feel like I am severely letting down anyone else involved. My most recent undertaking is failing miserably, but I don't believe it's any fault of my own. Some things just can't be accomplished, some people can't be taught, and there is only so much one human being can put up with. I have put so much effort in to have it shoved back in my face, and I am frustrated and on the verge of emotional breakdown about 24 hours a day. Yesterday I started crying after a so-so convo with my midwife, and Joe got angry. Not because he was mad at me, but because this is what it's come down to. He hates seeming me so distressed, and knows I really take things to heart. When I commit to something I give 100% and it's hard to give all I have and not see any results or get anything in return. Especially when I can blantently see my efforts are not being appreciated. Today I reached the end of the rope, and I refuse to let this go on any longer. I am being ambiguous as to not openly point fingers, so if you don't get it, feel free to ask.

A few nights ago I was complaining to Joe and trying to come up with a plan of action for remedying this situation. He said 'the sooner I learn to look out for "#1" ,' meaning me and my family, the sooner I'll be happier. He said I should stop being afraid to hurt other people's feelings, because they obviously don't give a damn about me. This current state is effecting my entire family; the boys are acting differently, Joe is stressed, I'm a wreck, and even my animals are being brought into it now. No one is going to take care of me, but me. And I have to be the voice of my kids because no one else is going to. Everyone else puts themselves first, and who gives a shit who they walk on in the meantime? This has gone on long enough, and I am fed up. It ends today.