Buried

I found out recently that someone I admire greatly lost a child a few years ago. You'd never know it. She is happy, finds the beauty in all things and everyone, and takes the time to answer people's questions. She is encouraging, and patient. I have said so many times that if something ever happened to any of my boys, I could not possibly survive it. I don't know how any mother does. I live my life in 12 hour goals: did everyone make it through the night? Sigh. Everyone made it through the day! Sigh. Every so often we'll have a scare and it literally takes my breath and stops my heart. A few weeks ago I was in Matt's room putting clothes away, when I heard this horribly loud: crash! bash! smash! boom! crack! I ran into our room to find our 20" TV on the other side of the room, and our chest leaning over at an angle against the dresser. My mind went into panic until I saw Drew hidden in the 'A' made my the chest and dresser. He was a little frightened, and said "I climbed. It falled down." Our dresser was chipped, and our TV was no longer a TV but a pile of useless screen, plastic, and wires. I could have cared less. What if the TV fell on him? What if he didn't get off the chest, and he was caught in between the chest and dresser? It could have easily been the worst night of my life. It took a while for me to calm down from the scare. I still could care less about the material damage. I know how lucky we were that something worse didn't happen. I've never understood how people could say, 'Well the house burned down, but at least we got out', and really not care about the ashes. I get it now. Matt has been keeping us awake 24/7 lately, and we've been so tired and frustrated with the situation. I try to remind myself and verbally repeat, at least I still have him. At least he wakes up. No matter how crazy the kids are on any given day, it wouldn't even compare to a day when I had to face never hearing their voices again. I love that they can make me crazy.

I also thought after learning about this person, that you truly, really, never fully know... anyone. There are times I'd love to live a day in her shoes. She has a wonderful career, and amazing, outgoing, give-a-care-what-you-think personality. She also seems like a great mom. Now knowing what I know, I would never want to live a day with that grief. So, moral of the day: no one has the perfect life... perfect anything. Even someone you look up to and aspire to be may have buried secrets. We all put our best face forward because we want everyone to believe that we have it all. None of us, do.