Coffee

I had coffee with a friend last night and had such a wonderful time. One of my favorite things to do since I was 15, is: go to a coffee shop with friends and just be. I could spend hours sitting and chatting. Not with kids of course. The boys seem to be more demanding of my attention lately, and it feels like lately I have less attention to give. For me, fall is always a time to start over. It's my new year. To get ready for the new year, I like to get things in order. I like having a plan for the next full year. While I have a plan now, I'm having a hard time getting anything accomplished. I want to organize things before the kids get back to school, but they make a mess of anything right after I do it. Their latest trend is taking all the sheets off their bed. I've tried to make them fix it, but they just can't. I clean for as long as I can but my hips and lower back are taking a major toll from this 4 oz baby, and I can only stand for so long. I have all the ambition in the world but don't have the ability to get things done (or keep them that way). I think the 2 1/2 hours 4 days a week in school for the "big ones" is going to be a nice break for all of us. They need to be challenged every day or they go stir crazy, and I just don't have the ability to keep them occupied every minute.
I have never feared having another child, but 4 seems like a hell of a number. 3 is a handful, but 4? Insanity. I guess I shouldn't be worried compared to a lot of families who do just fine, but I'm pulled in so many directions already I don't know if I have anything else to give. Obviously you make room, but who pays the toll? Joe will be back on patrols sometime next year, and I'm not looking forward to that.
I am hopeful for the future as always. I'm sure #4 will settle in just fine with the rest of us, and will bring us just as much joy as our other boys have. After doing a photo session for a friend and having such a great time I think this is something I'd really like to do. I'd love to do weddings also. Still far from being there, but getting there. I love psychology too, but I get so attached to people and definitely overly emotionally involved. I know I'd cross a line somewhere. Plus I have spoken to a few people in the profession or former case workers who put up a big "don't do it!" sign when I ask them about it. That's not a good sign. They can't all be wrong. I'll finish my degree for now, and we'll see where it goes.
So for an hour I felt human again while I sipped my tall non-fat no-whip white mocha and was able to ponder some of these things. I'm going to get it in now because I know with 4, there will be no time for coffee.