Etiquette

A word on Etiquette:

What makes a person low class? Is it defined by what economic class you're born into? No. I know plenty of people who have been born into families without money who conduct themselves as perfect gentlemen/ladies. On the reverse of that, I know people who have been born into money, and you'd never know it. The difference is the way they conduct themselves in life, and the way they treat other people. Otherwise known as the rules of Etiquette. The biggest rule is just plain being respectful, and following through on things you say you'll do. If you promise to call someone, do it. If you say you'll be joining them at a gathering or party, you'd better be there. And if for some reason you can't make it, you'd better call. And, unless in an absolute emergency, don't call after the event explaining why you weren't there. There are exceptions, like if you suddenly have to go to the ER, etc. But in most cases, that's not the reason behind the no-show. I am infuriated by our generation's lack of Etiquette. And it's nothing more than a lack of respect for other people. For some reason, most people only care about their needs at the present moment, being completely self-absorbed. And if you are this type of person, yes, I consider you low class.

The story behind this rant starts early this morning. One of my daycare kids was a no-show. I called the mother's friend (for lack of a better term), and she said this mom was sick the night before. Really sick. So after an hour of calling the house, cell phone, and back and forth while getting no answer and a couple of busy signals, I packed up all the kids (which is not an easy task) and drove over to their house to make sure the mom wasn't passed out somewhere while her daughter was unsupervised. Nobody was home. I came back home, and an hour later, she calls. She found someone cheaper, and just decided to bring her over there today. That's what I get for caring. Not to mention I was paid a few weeks late and not even everything I was owed, but I told her I understood her situation and as long as she was making the effort, I was OK with that. When I started watching this kid, Joe said, "you're going to get screwed. I've dealt with people like her my whole life, and she's going to screw you over. " He was right. He's always right. But this is where the Etiquette and respect for others comes in. I bent over backwards to help this woman out, and this is what I get. And I don't know which economic class she was born into, but she is, in my eyes, low class. She will move through life looking for handouts, screwing over the innocent until they get fed up, and then she'll move to the next victim. Sadly, her daughter will be brought up in this environment and the cycle will continue for the next generation.

Above all, we try to teach our children respect for others and themselves. If they respect themselves, then they'll never look for handouts, and they'll be too good to screw people over. But unfortunately, they will run into those who will take advantage of them for being good people. I just hope it doesn't burn them. I like to give everyone a chance, but at the same rate, I need to start protecting myself. I know I've said this before in an earlier blog, but it's hard to know when to draw the line. And what if you find a truly honest person that you turn away due to prejudice? I don't think I'll ever figure that out.

Back to Us

We've had family visiting for the past few weeks, and it's been great. Now Joe, the boys and I are having to readjust to life without help. My family's visits were not really what I had hoped unfortunately; usually we try to do fun things and really get to spend quality time together. But between a hospital trip, child care, and a fussy newborn, it wasn't exactly easy to go out, or get a moment of peace. It was nice having them here all the same.



I did mention fussy newborn. Matt has the beginnings of colic. Drew had colic, so I know it when I see it. For now, we're just trying to find out what calms him early, so it's not so hard. Sometimes I can soothe him, but we've had a few nights and spells when he will cry endlessly for hours, and nothing you do helps. It's tiring, but you have to just remind yourself over and over that he's not chosing to cry and if he could stop, he would. It's also very saddening because he will have a complete look of distress, and he will look at you as if begging you to do something to help him and make it stop. It's a horrible feeling as a parent to see your child in pain, and there is nothing you can do to help them.



On another sad note, my grandparents took Drew to a hair appointment on Monday, and he was butchered. We were growing his hair out cause it looked adorable. Because his hair is so light, and he was crazy light blue eiyes, the "beach bum" look, was perfect on him. It really matched his personality. I spoke to the stylist when making the appointment and told him exactly what I wanted: Keep the length and look, just clean it up a little. He came home with finger length all around. I was floored. My Grandma told him what I wanted too, and he just did what he wanted to. I know it'll grow, but it makes me want to cry. It took so long to grow out. Our whole family went to that stylist, and he has completely lost our business. And, our future recomendations.



My mom bought me the lens I've coveted for months, but I have not had a moment to do a photo shoot with Matt for his newborn pics. I'll try to get that done ASAP cause he's starting to lose his newborn look. I'll post them as soon as I do!

Expectations

Whether we like to admit or not, all mom's try and hold themselves to society's standard of the perfect mom. We all want the latest toys, safest car seats and cutest nurseries. I think it helps us feel as though we are doing our absolute best, even while our baby is in utero. Mothers are expected to have endless patience, and extensive knowledge of everything baby as if we were born with encyclopedia's in our heads. We're expected to take all the sick days, stay up at 3am for nightmares, and do it all with a smile. We have so many decisions to make in the first few weeks even: whether or not to circumcise (for boys) or immunize, to breastfeed, or which formula is best... so many decisions that could effect the rest of the child's life. I personally fall victim to these expectations: I had to buy the best car seat on the market, and I feel like a failure if I lose me patience or get frustrated. We've chosen not to circumcise our children and not to immunize, which we catch a lot of crap for both from people who just don't understand. We're constantly defending ourselves.

What brought on these thoughts is a near failed attempt for the third time to exclusively breastfeed Matt. I tried with Nate, but was unsuccessful after 2 weeks because he needed way more than I could produce. I tried again with Drew, but he grew lazy after a few weeks and would only take a bottle. I felt rejected by my newborn baby which is hard to deal with. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm sure there are mom's who have felt the same rejection. Matt and I did well for the first few days, but my unexpected trip to the hospital interrupted that, and now I'm having to retrain him, and train my body to keep up with him. I wanted so badly for it to work this time but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards. To make matters worse, whenever he has a bottle he ends up with a lot of gas, making him extremely fussy. Rightfully so, but that in turn just makes me weak and frustrated. It's a horrible cycle. I haven't given up yet, but I feel I will ultimately lose the battle.

I have tried my best at being 'Suzy homemaker', Martha Stewart and Mother of the Year, but I never seem to get it just right. I'm positive that no one ever does, unless you're superhuman. Even Martha has her flaws. But the more I strive for perfection, the further I feel from it. Stay at home moms have a lot to prove to the world: it's no longer enough. Women are expected to bring in an income, cook a five-star meal when they get home, and keep the house 'unexpected drop-in ready'. So when they don't have a monetary income, the pressure's on for everything else to be that much better. I know a lot of this is just pressure we keep on ourselves so we can feel as though we are doing something meaningful. But maybe it's time for us all, working moms and stay at home moms to give ourselves a break, take a night off, and be satisfied with "good enough". If we could do that, we'd all be a lot happier with ourselves.