Tis the Season...

... For chaos. Thanksgiving was nice. We went to a friends house, and had a blast. It is nice to have friends around that you can spend holidays with when you're so far from family. It was a nice relaxing day, stuffing ourselves silly. Sadly after every Thanksgiving, comes the crazy rush of gift giving, long lines, traffic, and going from store to store trying to find the most popular toy of the season cause every kid's 'gotta have it'. I did brave Black Friday, for the first time ever. Though it was not as bad as I had imagined, it was so much busier than I like. I usually go to the store early afternoon on a weekday so I can avoid the big crowds. On the plus side, I got some awesome buys. Matt a.k.a 'Num Yummy' or 'Gigantor the man-baby' needed some new clothes desperately because we can't keep up with his growing, and I was able to get everything at least half price, if not better. The boy's Christmas shopping is completely done, for the first time so far in advance. YAY ME!

Today I took the boys to Hallmark for our annual trip to pick out a new tree ornaments. It starts the Christmas season so nicely, and they love picking out their own for the new year. Drew picked out Rocket from Little Einsteins, and Nate picked Wall-e (though he's never seen the movie). We got Matt a Winnie the Pooh 'baby's first Christmas'. We had to run into Safeway for coffee, and in there was a guy with a white beard wearing a Santa hat and red shirt. I pointed him out to the kids, and they were gitty and beaming with joy. We came home, set up the tree, and decorated it. It was an awesome trip down memory lane. My mom had sent all of her old Christmas stuff out to me over the summer. I let the boys hang all the ornaments, so at about 2 feet up there's a giant cluster, but they enjoyed it so I can't complain.

A few years back, I became really disenchanted with Christmas. I saw people around me becoming so greedy, that the point of the holiday had been totally lost. I'm not a christian so the religious aspect doesn't really apply to me, but family togetherness and making others happy is what I truly enjoy. I do still see a lot of greed and the spirit of 'gimme'. But starting traditions with our kids, and seeing how happy they are on Christmas morning has re-opened my heart to enjoying the season again. I love that they enjoy picking out gifts for other family members, because it makes me believe they get it, even at a young age. I feel bad leading them down the 'Santa story' road, cause we all know how that ends, but it's all so magical to them now. I wish I could see life through their eyes for a day, where everything is wonderous and amazing. Growing up takes a lot away, but when you're young you're in such a rush to get to the next milestone. I'm sure dozens of people told me to enjoy childhood, and I'd think: what do they know? I hope our boys listen to me because over here, the grass is dry and brown. Long live Santa!

"We grow up way too fast, and now there's nothing to believe..." -Goo goo dolls, Name

Buried

I found out recently that someone I admire greatly lost a child a few years ago. You'd never know it. She is happy, finds the beauty in all things and everyone, and takes the time to answer people's questions. She is encouraging, and patient. I have said so many times that if something ever happened to any of my boys, I could not possibly survive it. I don't know how any mother does. I live my life in 12 hour goals: did everyone make it through the night? Sigh. Everyone made it through the day! Sigh. Every so often we'll have a scare and it literally takes my breath and stops my heart. A few weeks ago I was in Matt's room putting clothes away, when I heard this horribly loud: crash! bash! smash! boom! crack! I ran into our room to find our 20" TV on the other side of the room, and our chest leaning over at an angle against the dresser. My mind went into panic until I saw Drew hidden in the 'A' made my the chest and dresser. He was a little frightened, and said "I climbed. It falled down." Our dresser was chipped, and our TV was no longer a TV but a pile of useless screen, plastic, and wires. I could have cared less. What if the TV fell on him? What if he didn't get off the chest, and he was caught in between the chest and dresser? It could have easily been the worst night of my life. It took a while for me to calm down from the scare. I still could care less about the material damage. I know how lucky we were that something worse didn't happen. I've never understood how people could say, 'Well the house burned down, but at least we got out', and really not care about the ashes. I get it now. Matt has been keeping us awake 24/7 lately, and we've been so tired and frustrated with the situation. I try to remind myself and verbally repeat, at least I still have him. At least he wakes up. No matter how crazy the kids are on any given day, it wouldn't even compare to a day when I had to face never hearing their voices again. I love that they can make me crazy.

I also thought after learning about this person, that you truly, really, never fully know... anyone. There are times I'd love to live a day in her shoes. She has a wonderful career, and amazing, outgoing, give-a-care-what-you-think personality. She also seems like a great mom. Now knowing what I know, I would never want to live a day with that grief. So, moral of the day: no one has the perfect life... perfect anything. Even someone you look up to and aspire to be may have buried secrets. We all put our best face forward because we want everyone to believe that we have it all. None of us, do.

Love Is Blind

Friday night Joe got a phone call that is ex-girlfriend/high school sweetheart was murdered by her own husband. He shot her, her mom, and then turned the gun on himself. Apparently they had a pretty abusive relationship, and she finally said enough and got a restraining order. He tracked her down anyway. It was upsetting to hear, for so many reasons. One, it was someone Joe cared about. Two, it was frightening to think that someone who is supposed to 'love, honor, and cherish' another, would ever think of doing such a thing. He obviously was not in his right mind, but even so. Our kind thoughts go out to their families. There were so many innocent victims in this senseless act, and the majority of them are still here.

This story hits close to home on another level. I have a friend whom I love dearly, and always have. She has listened to my rants for hours, laughed at my jokes even if they aren't funny, and has been through late nights and early mornings, regretting the late nights. She is definitely the sister I always wanted. But she is in a bad relationship, and has been for a long time. Her boyfriend has been physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive from the beginning. She has left him a few times, but always lets him come back. "He's really doing better..." , "He'll never do it again..." I know I don't have the right to make her choices, or even really give my full input. I keep a lot of my thoughts to myself, but I get so frustrated I can't even think. I worry constantly. If I can't get a hold of her for a while, I'll google her name to see if there's a news article with her in it. This may sound dramatic, but I truly fear for her. When people get mad, they don't think strait. They can't. And if someone has that much anger in them and the physical ability to do something, bad things happen. Even if accidental, the one time it goes too far could have grave consequences. It just takes one time, where you can't take it back, and you don't get the chance to say you're sorry, or you'll never do it again. I know there is nothing I can do to convince her she's better off. She'll either realize it on her own, or she'll never get the chance. For now, I try to support every decision she makes and hope for the best.

Obama!

I was really happy to see that Obama won the presidency. I am definitely a supporter and have been since he entered the race. While I am ecstatic about this and am very hopeful for the years to come, one BIG thing has been really bothering me...

For 3 hours on the TODAY show, they covered his victory. Awesome. He deserves it. But the main point they focused on was that 'history was made...' and 'first black president...'. I get it. We've never had a black president, and I think it's great that our country has evolved so much from where it was even 50 years ago. When I see Obama, I see an intelligent, kind, and ambitious man. I don't see a black man, or a white man (or both). I see a person who represents a better time to come, and a better future for my family. I see a man who deserves the position. I am bothered by the people who are greatly focused on his race. Yes, we have made great leaps in equality, but is it truly equality when we are still obsessed with someone's color? Positively or negatively? I am looking forward to the day when people don't see a person as white, black, or anything else. To a day when no one even notices race, because it truly doesn't matter. He got the job because he was the right man for the position. That's it.

That aside, I really am happy with the outcome of the election, and I know better days are here.